MY LAST TIME WITH U!!

26th April 2010, Last year 2:00 clock constitutes one of my last memory with you..an alive memory!!

I had my exams going on,was busy reading my notes when u called me out..u never remembered my name so u always did "chu chu" i saw u calling me and sat next to u, u caringly moved ur hand over mine and smiled..u had tears in ur eyes then, It was normal for me to see u that way,coz i knew tht tears were not because u were sad instead because u were happy to have someone besides u..

U then gestured me..( u had almost lost ur ability to speak then) u gestured me asking "Jevlis?" I nodded and smiled "Ho,jevle" then i sat at ur foot and rested my head on ur lap..ur legs were weak..gently u moaned when i intially rested my head so i snapped back again but u gently rested my head on ur lap again, i was elated...u carresingly moved ur fingers through my hair and patted gently on my back..I sensed something then..something very strong..as if u knew its the last time ur spending solely with me..as if it was my last time to be entirely with u for that amidst hour of afternoon.( which we always spend together alone)..I was afraid..was taken a back by the thought that it was the last time..i quickly erased those thoughts..i was scared and hugged u tight..u reciprocated ..u held me tight that day..more strongly than other times..i hugged u for a minute or two and kissed ur forehead..u smiled and continued gesturing and talkin to me..we did it for a n hour and then u went to sleep..The thour spend with u refreshed my mind and i got back to study..

On 27th April u got up late..ur body seemed weak.very weak...it took immense efforts from ur side to even get up n sit on ur bed..was unusual..hesitated to leave u is till had to go for my exams..i came back worried..u were all the more weak that day..just in three hours ur face had turned pale...i took ur plate of food and started feeding u..but u cudnt eat..i tried hard but no avail..I finally managed to serve u with a glass of milk..the three days after that were dreadful!! I was scared for every second..every second..!! I gave my papers with moistened eyes each time..

30th April was my last paper..i ran back home to u..by now i was used to see u laying back without any life ...i sat nxt to u..u had spoilt ur bed..I gt u on the wheel chair ..aatya and me cleaned everything and sat nxt to u..the nxt day went past by and in the evening at 6:15 I took ur hand in mine ..ur eyes were open and white..they looked straight in to my eyes..i sat with u like that holding ur hand in mine for half n hr..i slowly blotted the drops of perspiration on ur forehead with ur pretty blue napkin..just then mami called..she knew i was too stressed so she called me up to come over to her place for somewhile..i went there ..and on my way i got a call..that CALL was the worst ever in my life!!

I came back,i saw u laying there in ur blue night gown..u were cold yet as pretty as ever..u were physically gone but one could see the ultimate contenment and satisfactiion ur face glowed with even then..I Cried ..a lot..a lot..i bended down n KISSED UR FOREHEAD FOR THE LAST TIME..and at that moment .. I WISH I HAD SPEND THE WHOLE DAY (26th april) WITH U..I WISH I HAD NEVER ENDED THAT HUG,I WISH I WOULD HAVE TALKED WITH U FOR SUMWHILE..I WISH I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE THOUGHT OF MY LAST TIME WITH U SEREIOUSLY!! LEAST DID I KNEW THAT MY FEARS ARE GONNA COME TRUE IN THE NEXT 4 DAYS!!!

Its a year now,i cudnt sleep since last nite..can feel u around today more strongly ..!!

I could never forget this day..since it marked MY LAST TIME WITH U!

I love u Aaji!

Love me not..

Love me not..
Love me not for my pretty face..
love me but for my eternal grace..

Love me not for my beautiful eyes..
Love me but for the innocence that underlies..

Love me not for my rosy lips..
Love me but for the words they utter and promises they keep..

Love me not for my fair skin..
Love me but for the person i am within..

Love me not for my neatly carved body..
Love me but for my heart which cares for everybody..

Love me not for my riches and jewels..
Love me but for the dignity that shines and the strength that prevails..

Love me not for the being i am..not for the name i have ..not for the fame i hold..
Just love me for my pure soul..
Just love me for my pure soul..

कसं वाटतं ?? :)

थोडं बघावसं वाटतं,

थोडं पाहावंसं वाटतं,

बघता - पाहता थोडं मग हसावंसं वाटतं ..



हसता हसता हळूच मग लाजवासा वाटतं ,

लाजता लाजता थोडं मग बोलावसं वाटतं..



लाजता लाजता थोडं मग बोलावसं वाटतं ..

बोलता बोलता थोडं मग ऐकावसं वाटतं ..



बोलता बोलता थोडं मग ऐकावसं वाटतं,

ऐकता- बोलता पुन्हा मग भेटावसं वाटतं..



भेटा भेटा थोडं मन रामतंय असं वाटतं ,

रमता रमता मन मग गुंतल्य असं वाटतं ..



गुंता मनाचा हा सोडवावा असं वाटतं ..

गुपीत मनातलं हे उघडवसा वाटतं



'प्रेम आहे तुझ्यावर' हे सांगावासा वाटतं..

'माझही तुझ्यावर' हे ऐकावसं वाटतं..

धगाल भावना ..

मन अनेकदा भवनानी कसे दातुन येते बघ..

निर्भय,निळ्या अभालत जसे दातुन येतात काले धग ..



त्या क्षणाला कही सुचेनासे होते,

ढगांच्या गड़गड़आतात घबरल्यासरखे होते,

मन ही भवनान्मधे असेच काहीसे गुंतते,

बिथरते थोड़े अणि सुटकेची वाट शोधते..



गर्जना ऐकताच ढगांची,निवारा आपण शोधतो,

छोटासा का होइना असरा आपण घेतो,

मन ही भावनांपासून तसेच घाबरून लपते,

दुसर्या गोष्टिन्मधे मिसलुन रमते का ते बघते..



आकांत मग गाठून, मल्हार तो बरसतो.

सरीनंनि नहीं मात्र थेम्बानी भिजवतो,

भावना ही तसचाच हळूच डोकावतात,

चेहर्यावर नसल्या तरी काळजाचे ठोके चुकाव्तात..



वादळ ते सरताना, निवारा सगले सोडतात ,

चिंब भिजलेल्या शिरिरावारून थेंब मग ओझरतात,

भावना ही उरल्या-सुरल्या मग तसयाच झरतात..

अगदी शिरिराच्या थेम्बानपरी ..मात्र डोळ्यातून वाट काड़तात..

डोळ्यातून वाट काड़तात..!

Walking down the memory lane!

The dim-lit, secluded street just a few steps away from my house has the night grown upon it. While an odd shadow peeps into its enviable quietude and as I imagine it's dimensions, my wrist-watch starts running anti-clockwise, and I get reminded of the places that this street leads to, of the places that sing and dance, smile and cry, of the places that are dark and bright, wet and dry, loquacious and laconic, and of those that confess and lie.

My first crush, first badminton match, first attempt of cycling,first Kishore song, first book,first shopping, first plan, first friend, first look at the sky, first movie, first heartbreak, first success, first failure and the first question of existence converge at the end of this street which has enveloped a disorganised stack of the tiny aspects of my life that are now scattered over the immensity of time, and that collectively define all that I have lost and all that I have gained in the process of growing up to 22.